I know you know THE ONE. Your favorite writer has it, that hilarious bitch. That girl on Twitter whose tweets are just so.friggin'.smart. That Instagrammer whose captions are like reading little love letters full of SO MUCH TRUTH AND GOODNESS. That thought leader whose posts you read immediately, whose books you pre-order like whoa, and whose entire website you'd like to tongue. And maaaaaybe even that company with the creative product descriptions that make you sweat and swivel and swoon (in that order).
Whether you're writing blog posts, headlines, subject lines, Instagram captions, tweets, product descriptions, sales pages, website copy, ad copy, text messages, bullet points, or your mother's tombstone, you'll learn how to transform drab, dull, tired, cliché, totally meh-meh-blah writing into fun, sticky, creative-cool, wow-factor content you'll want to parade around like a tiara (and that others will want to print out, lick and and share).
We all write in micro, these days—which means we all need to learn how to write with microstyle. Snappy, witty, brilliant, bright. We have less time, and even less space, to say something in a way that's engaging and compelling and weird and wonderful and brilliant and sticky and memorable and HOT. Micromessages live or die by the tiniest stylistic choices, all of which come together to form your VOICE. Your voice is the attitude of your words: and it's also the image you project online—so it's *Grand Canyon level* important. Writing used to be a special occasion reserved for letters to your bank ("Dear Sir or Madam—this is my serious professional voice"): now, it’s an everyday sport. (Sort of like pickleball. Have you ever heard of pickleball? I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.) Today, everyone’s a writer. In fact, your fingers are on a keyboard 80% of the day. But, is it pleasurable to read? (Hint: Creative writing is about creating *pleasure*.)
Cue fourteen trumpets! (Trumpets, not crumpets. Unless we're talking about Tastykake's Butterscotch Krimpets, in which case, there will be *plenty* of those.)
AS I WAS SAYING. I'm thirteen-year-old-going-to-her-first-dance excited to be offering this special edition workshop, Creative Writing for the Internet, in which I teach my top eight (8) favorite creative writing techniques, hacks, edits, tweaks and transformations to instantly give your online content a supercharged sugar rush, assuming your website isn't one of those overachievers on a no-sugar diet. We'll even be live-editing a select piece of sample copy—a snoozy-by-design About Page!—so you can see how this works in real-time, not just theory—and you'll be doing some live workshopping of your own too—muahaha.
Bye-bye to feeling like a lame duck on the Internet whose sentences read like a 1980's Howdy Doody commercial, and hello to becoming a modern-day content queen whose line breaks bring ALL the buyers to the yard.
The "OMG That's So _______!" The Holy Grail of Sticky, Sharable, To-Die-For Internet Content
How to Break the Fourth Wall (And Immediately Make Your Writing Less Stiff + Stuffy—And Way More Fun to Read)
My #1 Creative Editing Principle of: "A Chicken in Every Pot, and a Car in Every Garage" (This One Alone is Worth It, So Help Me Rihanna)
Never Call a Stomach a Tummy Without Good Reason—And Other Must-Know Rules on Creative Word Choice
Humor + The Science of What Makes Something Funny (And How You Can Apply It to Any Sentence Immediately)
The "Glitter Lung" Technique + How to Hack a Reader's Attention Span Exactly Like Glinda the Good Witch
The Writing Culture of the Internet—And How to Modernize Your Content So You Don't Sound Like the Human Equivalent of an Out-of-Date Fax Machine, Model Number Before Christ
How to Va-Va-Voom Your Ending + Big, Glitzy Takeaway (One of The Most Important Components of Writing Sticky Content for the Internet That Doesn't Flatline and Take Your Pride Down With It)
- Reason One: If content is king, this is the king's viagra.
- Reason Two: You sorta flinch-laughed at that last sentence but you also were like, "HAHA, YES."
- Reason Three: You wish you were one of those clever people who always seem to have great headlines and captions and blog posts and ALL THE THINGS THAT GIVE YOU SECRET JEALOUSIES.
- Reason Four: Writing secretly turns you on.
- Reason Five: Buttttt at the same time, you're a little deer in the headlights.
- Reason Six: ...And writing has turned into a chore.
- Reason Seven: You want to enjoy creating content again. You want to have fun stringing words together, and need a fresh perspective—plus a few top secret writerly tricks. *ominous cackle*
- Reason Eight: You understand that the ability to express yourself in creative, fresh, interesting, new, original ways is the key to ALL THE CASTLES.
- Reason Nine: You're tired of having content shame. (And also bar cart shame. WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A BAR CART YET?)
- Reason Ten: You wouldn't mind being locked in a digital room with me for an entire morning getting.it.on. Which is absolutely a euphemism for writing our arses off together accompanied by a giant mug of spiked hot chocolate. (Yes, I'm British now—and apparently also Willy Wonka.)
Hey! What if I can't make it to the scheduled time?
Do not fear, the recording is here! This workshop will be recorded and distributed to all workshop participants on January 12th for safe keeping and french kissing.
Hey! What if I can only make it to part of the workshop?
Totally cool! You can pop in and pop out of the workshop as you please. We'll be there! (And you won't be interrupting.) You'll also receive the full recording thereafter, so you can go back and watch the lessons you missed. <3
Hey! Will there be time to ask questions & chat with Ash?
You bet! We'll do a nice Q&A session at the end, and you can either stay or bounce, depending on your time constraints.
Hey! Is this technically a copywriting workshop?
Great question! This is not a copywriting workshop teaching the psychology of how to persuade with words. Rather, this is a creative writing workshop that teaches you how to take the words you do have and make them sing Whitney Houston level ballads—and, by extension, persuade thanks to how fresh and fantastic it makes your brand feel. (And it might just be my favorite workshop YET.)
Hey! Have you ever taught this material before in another class?
Nope, never! ALL NEW, COMPADRE.
Hey! If I enroll now, but can't make it to the workshop, am I eligible for a refund?
We're delighted to offer, as always, our 7-day 100% money-back guarantee on all of our products—which includes from the time of service, AKA the workshop date.
Hey! Do I have to cuss like you in order to take this workshop?
Hell no. I mean, gosh no. I mean....absolutely not. That's not even one of the eight techniques, promise! :)
Hey! Who's one of your favorite creative writers?
Caitlin Moran. LOOK HER UP.
Hey! Do you like The Blue Man Group?
Personally I think they should have went with purple.